Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Given another chance

dear diary, people tend to say what are memories made of and when time passes we still may never get the answer to those time that we have slipped through into our everyday life.

Then one day it came, when you feel a wave at your heart as a sudden surge and you will think that it was just a normal reaction in your body and only then you will learn what does chemistry means in our body.

It is when one sweet night when someone knocks at your door and when you open you were immediately brought back to the past, a decade ago to an image that had almost fade and the only thing that you remember about that face is the day she donned on that black tee shirt and the khaki, and of course that sparkling eyes.

So we knows that the memories are made of all those happenings, even the simple thing like the way you attest to her smile that will always keep you remembering but forgot where and when in time does it became to be.

And so dear diary, when you will feel the gust of the midnight wind at the time you open the door, you know that the sparkling eyes that had captivated your heart for years is still there and in fact is always there.
And, life should be going on and after waiting for so long, why not we give it a chance..dear diary..

Friday, 16 March 2012

my operation

"dear diary, it was just like waitin your call to the dentist during the school day whilst waiting for the doctor in the operation theatre,the ordeal last for 4 hours but the operation is just 45 minutes,when they do,their words are,rilek incek,jangan takut,tak sakit tau,kejap aje,tenangkan diri,kanta dah masok dah,selesai dah and in between this I could hear the team burst into a hilarious joke as if they are in a friendly netball match. Thank you doctors and nurses of Sarikei Hospital!"

list removal FB

dear diary, I am still at home sweet home, relaxing on my sick leave and feel moving backward despite those company of internet and blackberry, as I feel I miss those gossip and hiccups in the office amongst colleagues and friends, t o prove how far it is true I just found out that I have been removed from a friend list, and life has to go on, as usual dear diary…."

FB

"dear diary, a friend remind me to listen to your heart, another friend remind me that our path are going to reach the destination, a friend again remind me some people like being LIKE but considered being rude if COMMENT and said we cared when we SHARE, so much so about being CONNECTED by FACEBOOK and I prefer to listen to the heart and will always speak out the truth though it might be hurting and of course if it do the heart are always true, so bear with me with dear diary..

fwhen fire become enem

dear diary, not far away from Sarikei, a community lost everything they have when fire razed part of their longhouse to ashes, the story was frontpaged by major newspapers today and I was tagged thru FB by a friend, though I couldn’t do much but my thought and sympathy goes with them, and if only I am of the rich and famous I would be around to give personal (duit ku pun lah) aids, and of course camera shy! So, dear diary..

my mum

dear diary, I miss sum1 2day, she is the like of will stop to anything, just 2 listen 2 ur no sense thing, the like of will pull out her purse just 2 suffice your budgetary problem, the like of willingly slowing down her tone amidst your thundering angry voice, please forgive me mak if ever I have break your heart and we all love you mommy Hajah Jempakar and may you always be blessed with a healthy life..

Teoh Beng Hock

"dear diary, a man sadness is loneliness, it was in Teoh BH when he was deprived of his only company, his cell phone as was find out by the RCI in the inquest of his death,, a true man however despite his self discovery still find loneliness in his life especially when there are to him seem so many rejection but to others are just denial due to working hours and family commitments when it come to join him in his party, and dear diary my life have to goes on now with or without my cell phone.."

Calvin Klein

dear diary, I went to asses my eyesight today, but the opthmalogist said I need a dark glasses instead of new glass for reading and to avoid using that classic Bausch & Lomb rayban for good, so I get a new Calvin Klein dark glasses with that Italian look, thank you so much abang Justani Hj Joni to make it happen and actually I get it as an early birthday gift from you, and dear diary its all about brotherly love..

keeps on marchin

dear diary, it is not about winning and losing,as there is always compliment and consolation, it is about marching forward and realizing your step, I have been drifting all the while albeit of dreaming and please watch my step and lead me, please dear diary..

keeps on marchin

dear diary, it is not about winning and losing,as there is always compliment and consolation, it is about marching forward and realizing your step, I have been drifting all the while albeit of dreaming and please watch my step and lead me, please dear diary..

in fate

"dear diary, I m down today, but I m not worried about the cut in my heart because it may piece back again later, just a matter of time, as I have faith in fate and I knew it too, it will be mine also at the end if the path is with dear diary.."

in fate

"dear diary, I m down today, but I m not worried about the cut in my heart because it may piece back again later, just a matter of time, as I have faith in fate and I knew it too, it will be mine also at the end if the path is with dear diary.."

matter of the heart

dear diary, I went to our doctor today, to let him check my eyes, one word by the doctor that keep on intriguing me is, let your eyes talk with your heart and then I remembered always what I have used to hold which I almost forget until today, a matter of the heart..and dear diary

matter of the heart

dear diary, I went to our doctor today, to let him check my eyes, one word by the doctor that keep on intriguing me is, let your eyes talk with your heart and then I remembered always what I have used to hold which I almost forget until today, a matter of the heart..and dear diary

the 2 tiny dots

"dear diary,it’s December and is reaching the end,and new year too, with new eyes, little happening though, but many changes around and hopefully I may get used to it but I know its aint easy, anyway dear diary..(just the two tiny dots)"

lost in KL

dear diary, I am done with my tasks in KL, since Tuesday till today Friday,its was just LRT, monorel, taxi, spicy food and year end spirit,sound great but a link is missing in the December rain, the shoutin and the mess, Danish and dear diary.."

jolly x'mas

"dear diary,its Xmas eve and wishin fren celebratin it a merry and jolly Xmas,at home here with family in Sarikei,yet when meeting Man just now just afford to greet Salam only,well life is so fast and even tie with family is minimal whereas fren are just wishes away,so near yet so far but always dear to our heart and dear diary.."

upcoming birthday

dear diary, I have tried so many time to write on my diary today, but couldn't ride off my feeling, and dear mak I know the labor pain you have started to had about 48 years ago but I still had another 48 hours to go, and before that 27th December come let me thank you mak to bring me into this world, yet I have a simple life but the journey is wonderful with the prayers you and dad bestowed upon me to live on and having a great prince, princess and little king with a wonderful lady

Pulau Kidjang

dear diary, I still remembered this day so much, a day in 1973 when a great tragedy happened, the like of Titanic, its was when the ship Pulau Kidjang capsized in the wee hours off Muara Rejang, Sarikei, though forgotten by the community when we should organized an event to commemorate the anniversary other than Yassin and Tahlil to those who perished in the tragedy but I always have it in my heart and mind as I was there when it happened, again, alfatihah to those families affected 38 years ago and dear diary..

on my birthday

dear diary, I am on my 48th birthday today, words come from far and near, old and new friends, some even I have not yet met before, our world is borderless though there is line drawn,nevertheless thanks for the prayers and good words and above all my mak and bapak and family, thanks for being around on this special day of mine, and dear diary..

Kelumpang

dear diary, imagine the embarrassment of a man, well dressed and nice looking when everyone at the lobby giggles when his name was announced by the calling clerk. What a way was his parent to give him such an odd name, just imagine, Kelumpang!
Have you ever thought of giving such a peculiar name to your children when there are so many names that belong to the great scholars, artists, politicians when that Kelumpang was chosen?
That was the scene at the call out counter at the specialist clinic while I was on my appointment with the doctor, today. At the least the pain of boredom due to the long wait for the consultation with the doctor on duty was shot down with that name call.
I was on my follow up after my eyes operation during the beginning of last December, and today the doctor give me a clean bill of health. But with a prickly experience, when he’s done with the stuturing out of my eyes. Here you will realise that how important is to be healthy at all time!
But you will never border about it and only will do when the hospital bed give a calling, it may come with a slight fever and upon further check you are to be hospitalized due to some chronic disease. Or you may need to be on long term medication with that tablets that may come in various colours and sizes.
By then you will said, how regretful it was when during those healthier days we tend to forget all the simple thing that was to make us healthy either on our eating habit or our social activities or our way of lifestyles.
And as usual, we will stop only at the last steps and always we will say that it is never too late to stop when it is already too late for us, as usual we will only have ourselves to be blamed and that will burden us for the rest of our life.
Today I was there, thinking of the worst to happen. With a zero in my saving account and just dependable on my pension, my world will sure stop going round. And the rest, I dare not to imagine what is going to happen.
And again dear diary, I just can’t take of my mind from thinking of that worst part and I believe everyone of us do have it in our mind.
Nevertheless, life has to go on. And thus, no matter what, either we walk a thousand steps everyday or we jog around in the public park and mind our eating habit. It worthwhile to do it to stay healthy, we will never know until we have it, only then we realize that’s it too late. And once more, dear diary..

Kelumpang

dear diary, imagine the embarrassment of a man, well dressed and nice looking when everyone at the lobby giggles when his name was announced by the calling clerk. What a way was his parent to give him such an odd name, just imagine, Kelumpang!
Have you ever thought of giving such a peculiar name to your children when there are so many names that belong to the great scholars, artists, politicians when that Kelumpang was chosen?
That was the scene at the call out counter at the specialist clinic while I was on my appointment with the doctor, today. At the least the pain of boredom due to the long wait for the consultation with the doctor on duty was shot down with that name call.
I was on my follow up after my eyes operation during the beginning of last December, and today the doctor give me a clean bill of health. But with a prickly experience, when he’s done with the stuturing out of my eyes. Here you will realise that how important is to be healthy at all time!
But you will never border about it and only will do when the hospital bed give a calling, it may come with a slight fever and upon further check you are to be hospitalized due to some chronic disease. Or you may need to be on long term medication with that tablets that may come in various colours and sizes.
By then you will said, how regretful it was when during those healthier days we tend to forget all the simple thing that was to make us healthy either on our eating habit or our social activities or our way of lifestyles.
And as usual, we will stop only at the last steps and always we will say that it is never too late to stop when it is already too late for us, as usual we will only have ourselves to be blamed and that will burden us for the rest of our life.
Today I was there, thinking of the worst to happen. With a zero in my saving account and just dependable on my pension, my world will sure stop going round. And the rest, I dare not to imagine what is going to happen.
And again dear diary, I just can’t take of my mind from thinking of that worst part and I believe everyone of us do have it in our mind.
Nevertheless, life has to go on. And thus, no matter what, either we walk a thousand steps everyday or we jog around in the public park and mind our eating habit. It worthwhile to do it to stay healthy, we will never know until we have it, only then we realize that’s it too late. And once more, dear diary..

Tsunami

"
dear diary, today I just learned about the true value of loyalty. It is not about backing up in time of distress only and it is not about standing firm in time of a debacle or does it is about going berserk in time of crisis.

It is about a partner that will stay put in our path in the time when even a tsunami with the might of a Fukushima is crushing. That is loyalty in the course of a relationship.
And if you are still uncertain about what loyalty does means?

Is it about a partner that will not waste time in taking the chance of a swaying boat in a rough sea to push you down just to have a reason to assume that you have been drown in the turbulent sea?

Is it also about a partner that breaks a relationship without giving any reason, and then blaming you for the cause of the breakup whereas during that course of breakup you are being left alone waiting and wondering?

Because a partner that is loyal will not push you to drown, a great partner will not blame you with anything to dismay your relationship just to have a reason to break you up.

Loyalty is of trust, honor, integrity, pride and above all, the truth. Do not betray the trust as ours are bonded by that. It’s held no boundary, and no words could explain how we are bound by that matter of trust.

As trust comes only from our pure heart, and we do honor that matter of the heart.

So dear diary, if you still harbor that loyalty with a trust in yours. I am still, just a one man standing from sunrise till the full moon, waiting with a crush for you.

And dear diary, I do knows that you still have that loyalty, and with pride too. Because you are a great partner and had always been.

Dear diary..again here I am waiting with nowhere to go and helplessly with no place to start to.....

i love this and repost it again

"
dear diary, how am I going to forget about you when there is not a single day that passes that I didn’t think of you, missing you like always. Your warm eyes, your smile and the way you listen and care.

There are no words to describe of how much I miss you and there aren’t any gestures or senses to prescribe any take on how much I had been moved since us together. And every time I do, I can’t stop my tears and because I have good reason to hide my tears thus no one knows that I am crying. Now and then since that day I have never stop crying.

I had tried to keep on moving, but I can’t as I don’t know where to begin as all this while we have been doing things together. When I look back, I still see the bond that once bound us which are meant to last though at time a thread may break. But I believe that a new one will forms and bind us strong in a place where we belong.

And if you do, forget about the days when it been cloudy, but don’t forget the hours we have in the sun. And forget about the plan we have been planning that make us bounded but do not forget the time when we planned it together.

Because I am still here waiting and even on my knees now, still pleading and begging for you to come back to rebuild back the love that had once blossom for you and me, and together we goes through the true feelings of real love.

And dear diary featuring the last line by Maya Karin for Haliza Misbun, missing you though….
"

Never give up Haliza Misbun

"
dear diary, I am at a lost today as all my messages send through the morning breeze was just a tiny droplets of the morning chill at the tip of the green leaves.

I will try again to whisper in the evening when the sun set to rest in the west and in the distance I hope you will be there to catch my sorrow of being alone without you to bring cheers to my life now.

And when night come, I will peek ...out of the window into the darkness as the clock struck midnight and I know that is the end of the waiting for today. My hope is that you will come dancing into my dream as we used to be.

Morning come and you are my sunshine that brought light and happiness that have been the motivation for me to moves on, but I knew I will be waiting again and hoping that you will come and opening your arm wide waiting for me to held it with you.

And dear diary, I met Farid Kamil again just now and he said he wouldn't mind, as usual to wait another long night again without the star and the moon but will never give up just for his Haliza Misbun…

to pieces up my life

dear diary,  today I will try to scramble back on my feet again and at the backyard just now.

What a good start accompanying the early sunshine rising with a broom and the water hose cleaning the backyard after such a long period left unattended.

As usual the routine will follow with a regime in the kitchen, the onion, prawn paste, cooking oil spill, the sweet aroma and the family get together lunch time.  Well its Saturday today which I have forgotten for a long time.

And then the long time favorite, at noon will be the Tamil Nadu movies or that of Bollywood’s.  And the usual ironing, will always be the job I hate but enjoy doing because in that we are silently alone but our mind are carried far away.

And then Sunday come, an appointment with the TV3 sport segment crews.  They are coming to town to make an interview at my home.  I will be hosting them.

And dear diary, life is so simple yet we seldom realize it when we are trying to be so committed to someone and we realized that it was just a vacation only.  Yet we will still try to look back into our photo album reminiscing all the fun time filled memories.

And how hard I try, I still do not know where to start..

I cant forget about you

dear diary, how am I going to forget about you when there is not a single day that passes that I didn’t think of you, missing you like always.  Your warm eyes, your smile and the way you listen and care.

There are no words to describe of how much I miss you and there aren’t any gestures or senses to prescribe any take on how much I had been moved since us together.  And every time I do, I can’t stop my tears and because I have good reason to hide my tears thus no one knows that I am crying.  Now and then since that day I have never stop crying.

I had tried to keep on moving, but I can’t as I don’t know where to begin as all this while we have been doing things together. When I look back, I still see that bond that once bound us which are meant to last though at time a thread may break.  But I believe that a new one will forms and bind us strong in a place where we belong.

And if you do, forget about the days when it been cloudy, but don’t forget the hours we have in the sun. And forget about the plan we have been planning that make us bounded but do not forget the time when we planned it together.

Because I am still here waiting and even on my knees now, still pleading and begging for you to come back to rebuild back the love that had once blossom for you and me, and together we goes through the true feelings of real love.

And dear diary featuring the last line by Maya Karin for Haliza Misbun, missing you though….

Loyalty and trust

dear diary, today I just learned about the true value of loyalty. It is not about backing up in time of distress only and it is not about standing firm in time of a debacle or does it is about going berserk in time of crisis.

It is about a partner that will stay put in our path in the time when even a tsunami with the might of a Fukushima is crushing. That is loyalty in the course of a relationship.

And if you are still uncertain about what loyalty does means?

Is it about a partner that will not waste time in taking the chance of a swaying boat in a rough sea to push you down just to have a reason to assume that you have been drown in the turbulent sea?

Is it also about a partner that breaks a relationship without giving any reason, and then blaming you for the cause of the breakup whereas during that course of breakup you are being left alone waiting and wondering?

Because a partner that is loyal will not push you to drown, a great partner will not blame you with anything to dismay your relationship just to have a reason to break you up.

Loyalty is of trust, honor, integrity, pride and above all, the truth. Do not betray the trust as ours are bonded by that. It’s held no boundary, and no words could explain how we are bound by that matter of trust.

As trust comes only from our pure heart, and we do honor that matter of the heart.

So dear diary, if you still harbor that loyalty with a trust in yours. I am still, just a one man standing from sunrise till the full moon, waiting with a crush for you.

And dear diary, I do knows that you still have that loyalty, and with pride too. Because you are a great partner and had always been.

Dear diary..again here I am waiting with nowhere to go and helplessly with no place to start to.....

I hate rainy days

dear diary, I love the rain as does Charlie’s famous word is I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying.  And to me too, the rain is just like being dragged down into the memory lane.
The cold sensation, the dark living room when you lied alone and the sound of the rain drops hitting the ground with the cold wind blowing.  It was this sensation that made all those memories kept on running me down.
Such as when I was jammed at the traffic light and when the light goes amber, I would rush to text a few messages to you as I know that was the only quality time we have before the light goes green and my hand will be back again on the wheel.
Such as when I saw an airplane passed overhead, I remember sitting engrossed with you in my mind.  As when I would cross my fingers tight counting the minutes before the plane landed down as I know you would be ready at the arrival hall always with your smiles anxiously for me.
And when heavy rain keeps on nonstop, those memories keep on interfering my days after.  I doubt you didn’t have those interferences if what we have gone through together has been the best part of happening in our other part of life.
And if we take the time to lay it on the line, I could rest my head just knowing that you were mine, all mine.   So if you want to love me then darling don’t refrain or I’ll just end up walking in the cold November Rain.
So dear diary, I love to reminisce this line I took from that Gun and Roses and if you can gets up again let us walk together in this rain..

When I first met her

dear diary, when I first met her at the airport many years ago, I said she’s seem to be out of my league. I was bedazzled by her enchanting beauty and that olive colored office dress she puts on that very day remain in my memories forever tills today.

Her steamy hazel eyes and captivating smile would easily make one man defy every other odd, her cheek would easily melts out a man morning kiss. Her glossy lips would have easily swept one of his feet as she phrases out her words.

I was enchanted by that, her smile captured me off guard and since we met that day I have been on my one foot in my own cloud nine.

Abruptly it comes to a stop, and its send someone down the hill.

Everything is down, to adds more suffering the weather comes everyday with a rainy days and where shall I confide my pain to meet every new day without you around.

And dear diary, I am missing someone here, and I am still waiting for her to make my day just like the day she swept me off my feet and I am crying helplessly here alone

Life at the edge and One day in your life

dear diary,  have you ever feels how is life at the edge, then try thinking of hanging with one hand over a cliff or stand on a balcony with one feet and you know that your life is at the end.
That was a story of an old friend I met today, been so long and today after so many years I saw him sitting alone on the road verges with his arm folded and looking into the unknown.
I coaxed him into my car and without any hesitations he jumped in and started to break up his story and from his composure I knew he is suffering,  a matter of the heart.  For his privacy, I need not mentioned his name here.
He said when someone comes into our life we will always thought that sunshine will lasts forever but rain it will be in the end.  Truly a beautiful moment just happens in a while only and happiness does not always last forever too.
And one day when we walked again in the path that we once collided, do not cry because if we do its showed that we regrets to be a part of her heart.  When we walk under the open sky, try to look up and never stop missing her and do not worry because we never stop thinking about her too.
He continued and in between sob, he said though fate always has its own plan but we too, must have faith in every shortcoming.  Just be brave and stay true to your heart though sometimes we may have some arguments but it always augur well with a long long courtship.
He said further again that his life was at the edge when she told him to forget about her, not to meet her again and assured that times come her memory will fade along.
But a relationship that was built with promises, trust and pledges will not fade easily until time.  Because when we made the seal, it does come under the witnesses of our true love and feelings we have with each other.  He said, I held on with that.
Thus he said, when she denied my texting, my call, I was lost in nowhere and that was what it feels to be standing at the balcony and looking down at the ninth floor.
When he said he held the word  “I held on with that”, I knew he will never give up hope of waiting and waiting for his true love again with her.  He knows the calling will come again.
And so dear diary, I dedicated this song to him as I knew him and his heart too, because I been there also and I love this song too..
One day in your life
You'll remember a place
Someone touching your face
You'll come back and you'll look around, you'll

One day in your life
You'll remember the love you found here
You'll remember me somehow
Though you don't need me now
I will stay in your heart
And when things fall apart
You'll remember one day
….dear diary

remembering someone special

Note : to avoid plagiarism I wish to credit this writing to an unknown in a posting of love being define, it was just that I like this writing and its happen to cross my mind, so dear diary will pen it here as it is and as a thought of my own feeling now..

dear diary, when you give the whole love to someone you have no certainty that they will love you back, do not expect love in return.  Wait for it to bloom in their hearts but if it does not, be sure it continues to bloom in your heart.  Because it always take only a minute to fall in love to someone, an hour to like someone, a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
And remember that it has been destined that we are to be met with a deliberately wrong people before meeting the right people so that when we finally meet the right people, we will know how to give thanks to the grace and wisdom behind this. 
It is just like when one door of happiness closes, another will opens but do not look at the closed door for too long that we do not see the door that has been opened for us.
Then there will be a time in your life when you miss someone until you will want to reach out from your dreams and hug with her but you will realized that it is just only a dream.   But dream you may, and what you want to dream, or go anywhere you want to go and be what you want to be because you only have one life and one chance to do all the things you wants to do. 
 May you have enough happiness to make you attractive, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to make sure you are a human and enough hope to make you happy.  Always imagine yourself in the shoes of someone and when you think it hurts you, think it may hurt others, too.

Because a best friend is someone you can sit on a swing and rocking along without saying anything and then walked home with the feeling that it was the greatest conversation ever.  It’s true that we do not know what we have until we lose it, and dear diary, I am missing someone over here whom I always thought that I am her best friend.. 

Valentine for my children

dear diary, it’s Valentine Day tomorrow, though we are not celebrating but the mood is there.  And to my dear young man and girl, let bapak share these nice words of feeling which I shared from a friend’s wall (thank you Yan Junaidi Awang).
It said… feels nice when someone misses you, feels good when someone loves you, feels even better when someone's with you.  But it feels the best when someone never forgets you.
And I want to add in some flavor to that word so as to make it more substantial and it goes here…feels sad when someone misses the daily morning hugs and kisses, feel bad when someone didn’t inform you about the slightest matter that matters, feels even more down when someone decline without any reason not to be with you when you are around. But it feels more sad when someone forgot when at the time you thought that they are acquainted somewhere but found out that they are merrily going around without thinking of you.
And so my children, worries less about your Valentine because apparently  bapak have been in that paragraphs.
As the paragraphs translate meaningful escalation into my insights I hope you have a Valentine that should be better off than bapak.
Again dear diary Mohd Daniel, Iskandar, ZUlfaqar, Nodya, Azra Batrisyia

In memory...Ismail Rabee

dear diary,  I went to attend the funeral of allahyarham Ismail Haji Rabaee today and can’t held back my tears soon after the recitation of the talkin was over.
I can’t understand why I shed tears and didn’t even realised about it until I felt some warm droplets on my wet arm, it was a slight drizzle at the time too.  Suddenly I found out that I was crying and my mood went down just like the weather too.  I have lost a great friend.
He was not only just a friend, but  a “brother” to me that started to become part of my journey into the man’s world.
Today, at his passing those memories keep on flashing back, the laughter when he cracked his joke, the drop jaw when he snarled back and the blues when he blew his non nonsense sermons.
But during those years, I never thought that he would have so much impact on me like what I felt this evening.  If only I knew about it, I would have valued so much of those wonderful years with him during the rain and shine.  And today I would be very proud to have it treasured here inside my heart that I have been his friend, a man that will never let you down even in the time when you have nowhere to go.
Thank you Mael, you are alone now, but my prayers and my Yassin will go with you.  Our memories will lingered on, and dear diary, again….al fatehah..

Kong Hee Fatt Choy

dear diary, I remembered too well this noise. It was the final days of our cadet training at Officer Cadet School at Kem Segenting, Port Dickson, Negeri Sembilan somewhere in August 1987.
The hell banging sound was the same like that day when we do our CIW warfare game atop a hill overlooking the Strait of Malacca.  That night was real hell when our instructors launches a mock attack upon us from down the hill with machine gun fires, smoke bombs and fire play into the sky above our head.
It was real scary though, it was not a real war but the way they made it, its look like a war is raging on with those noises of loud explosions, and the smoke.  The only word that comes out of me during that moment was, please mum get me out of here with my hand on my steel GI helmet and deep inside my foxhole.
Tonight when our fellows Malaysian celebrate the coming of the Lunar year, they do the noises again to welcome the dragon.  And the sounds were just the same but nobody was inside the foxholes now.
And not so many years ago, when I was in the meeting for the forthcoming celebration of state level National Day celebration. A two star general was real upset when the committee decides to a firework display as the highlight of the event.  I remember too well also when the general said, we fought during the insurgency and the bans is still on, to agree to this decision is like betraying the battle my soldiers have been believing in.
And dear diary, tonight while I enjoy the wonderful display of firework in the sky with Danish, I was asking myself also, are they defiant or sheer ignorant of the laws..

Borneo Post say WE*T BAN*

I have read about this so many times, and I have complaint about this many times too, to their editorial and even to the Home Ministry.
Yet they are still defiant.  I may not know whether actions were taken on the complaints that were filed up to the respective parties.  But one thing for sure, either they don’t understand our sensitivities on this Palestinian issues or our Malaysian government stand on the matters.
And amongst the so many words, why did the editorial of this English language Sarawak based newspaper “The Borneo Post” prefer the usage of the word WEST BA*K in their reportage on page 12 dated 14.01.2012 @ Saturday.
The paper are referring to a new elite settlement along the mighty Rajang River in Sibu which they always referred to as the WEST BA*K while ignoring the facts the issue had been an ongoing protest by the Malaysian people and the Muslim communities as a whole.
If there are suggestion to protest this paper by a stop buying act, it would sound immature in a state where locally reported news are still scarce in view of the only two English paper available here.
And one thing for sure is, if our Home Ministry could have a word in this matter and I am wondering also if there would be any action be taken when even a statue of the Chinese zodiac calendar are being erected for so many years in the town center of Sibu.
Do you know what it is? It is the statue of animals from monkey, bird and amongst one of it, is a swine (just to be polite to use this word).
 Where is our stand of being a Muslim here? Can someone enlighten me on this, please!

When Chef Wan goes vulgar

dear diary, I still remember well the composure of the anchorman when he read the main headline on the 8 pm news at TV3 many years ago just days before the Kuala Lumpur Commonwealth game was to be started,  our Deputy Prime Minister was arrested.
I was shocked and so does the other Malaysian during that time, I believed so.  I was full of questions and when Anwar Ibrahim again appeared in public with black eyes, I was very angry that such an injustice was being done against a man like him.
That was what happening and later on I began to learn something about this man when slowly I recalled back many years before when I have my first credit card, the masterringgit.
During the budget presentation, Anwar the finance minister at that time introduced a measure to curb dependency on credit card by increasing the monthly payment from 5% to 10%. And that was when a lot of urban poor government servant like me suffered.
And then, it was all history and we learnt many things about Anwar and it changed our perception forever.
And then I linked my FB with our celebrity chef, Chef Wan.  I was in a state of embarrassment every time I read his status. It was unbecoming of such a high profile figure in our entertainment industry to have such vulgar words in his wall.
He was condemning his opposite the fences’ fans whom he thought was making a blasphemy about him and was imagining that if only Chef Wan was a politician, he would easily had driven his supporters on the street just like what Anwar had done.
And in between our present Prime Minister, and former Prime Minister (Tun) Mahathir if they were to condemn those commentary in their FBs, our country would be turned into a police state.  It was such a different approach of professionalism and I was wondering if Chef Wan do really have a professional status.
Tomorrow, I pray and hope that KL would not be in a turbulent state in view of Anwar judgment will be delivered.  Though we are far apart those happening had so much impact on our daily life.
As such, life goes on here, as usual the morning rush to school and office stuck in a hiccup traffic jam and dear diary.

Gettin a drivin licence

dear diary,  if the rising statistic in our Ops Sikap at every festive season is a thing to be concerned about, the answer lies with the creating of road monster at our very own driving school.
Why not, many parents sending their kids to attend the KPP’s course at one driving school here today were mad when they were told that the class couldn’t accept anymore participant as it was full.  The class could only accommodate 100 participants at one time with two classes holding the course with 50 tables each.
Why the heck did they accept our registration payment without informing us earlier on that we are supposed to be on the waiting list?  And if that was the case, why didn’t they inform us earlier on and  arrange for another date for those on the waiting list?
Imagine we are sending our children to attend a class about road courtesy and safety but the school itself has put the word about morale into question.  Or is this just another old folk story about making profit only.
I was mad and so does the other parents who have to drive early morning to be in time for the class to start at 7.30 am.  And what more better is it to spoil your cold weekend morning during this rainy days and just to hear that your kid is on the waiting list.
Thus you wait, and then you bend your anger on the counter clerk for the school management selfish attitude for only just about profit making.  And at last come the school principal, giving his assurance that everyone will have a seat. His word is, be patience.
And it worth also, as an hour later my daughter got her seat but some parents were turn down and I could see their frustration at their face.  Their next class will be on the 11th February.
What would happen if this was another scene in a government office? I believe that many accusations will be hurled to the staff on duty and mostly will be about kickbacks, lazy, bad attitude and so goes on all about the wrong doing.
But here, its happen that we couldn’t do much about it. As that is our only choice.
And so dear diary, I hope that my office wouldn’t be providing this kind of services because we have the Honour To Serve.

When you are sick

dear diary,  imagine the embarrassment of a man, well dressed and nice looking when everyone at the lobby giggles when his name was announced by the calling clerk.  What a way was his parent to give him such an odd name, just imagine, Kelumpang!
Have you ever thought of giving such a peculiar name to your children when there are so many names that belong to the great scholars, artists, politicians when that Kelumpang was chosen?
That was the scene at the call out counter at the specialist clinic while I was on my appointment with the doctor, today.  At the least the pain of boredom due to the long wait for the consultation with the doctor on duty was shot down with that name call.
I was on my follow up after my eyes operation during the beginning of last December, and today the doctor give me a clean bill of health.  But with a prickly experience, when he’s done with the stuturing out of my eyes.  Here you will realise that how important is to be healthy at all time!
But you will never border about it and only will do when the hospital bed give a calling, it may come with a slight fever and upon further check you are to be hospitalized due to some chronic disease. Or you may need to be on long term medication with that tablets that may come in various colours and sizes.
By then you will said, how regretful it was when during those healthier days we tend to forget all the simple thing that was to make us healthy either on our eating habit or our social activities or our way of lifestyles.
And as usual, we will stop only at the last steps and always we will say that it is never too late to stop when it is already too late for us, as usual we will only have ourselves to be blamed and that will burden us for the rest of our life.
Today I was there, thinking of the worst to happen. With a zero in my saving account and just dependable on my pension, my world will sure stop going round.  And the rest, I dare not to imagine what is going to happen.
And again dear diary, I just can’t take of my mind from thinking of that worst part and I believe everyone of us do have it in our mind.
Nevertheless, life has to go on.  And thus, no matter what, either we walk a thousand steps everyday or we jog around in the public park and mind our eating habit.  It worthwhile to do it to stay healthy, we will never know until we have it, only then we realize that’s it too late. And once more, dear diary..

Miss my kampong

dear diary,  today the four letters spelt as RAIN was so much a matter of interest.  Even it goes viral in the facebook, the story was all about rain, its caused much chaos to everyone.
Today too housewives are the unhappy lot as laundries are left idle under the car porch hoping for sunshine the next morning.  And for others, the unfortunate lots it means getting wet on the way to works. And the most pitiful sight is those on their two wheels on the way to school.
To those in other part of the world, rain is something which too much or too little might devastate. And to the other part of the state heavy rain mean havoc as water level may rise and of course, flood. 
But here in Sarikei, rain mean nothing. Traffic jam? Its just a hiccup here as there are no rush to the work place. Just watch out for the pot hole only, as rain caused much trouble to our tarred network here and as some of our technicians are still on year end leaves, the predicament might be solved next week.
What does rain mean in Sarikei? Well just to go down the memory lane, rain mean we have to block the rushing water into our classroom, it was in the 70’s ago. And rain means playing on the road (no padang or park at that time folk!) and when it stops I would fetch my fishing rod.
It not that fishing tackles with that reels, rods, baits and line. It just a piece of those lidi that my mak use to sweep the floor and with a piece of string and a rubber band tied at the end of the line as the bait.
My catch are that crustacean which are a familiar sight at my kampong here, it more or less look like the nipah crab and are housed in the most specatcular sight in my kampong which I seldom see again nowadays, tungguk enggo’ang.
Its so amazing as whenever I travel around in places within the state, the first impression those other folk would query is the tungguk enggo’ang, haha I can’t spelt it right here.  But it is a sight, breathtaking, where you will see these structures of mud being push by a lobster look alike, the enggo’ang.
In doing so, this tungguk when it get dry under the hot sun the plain will look like a thousand of mini mountains.  But today you will never see this thing again as mostly every part of the kampong had been developed into new township.
And for those kampong folks whose lots are being developed into these new township, they are now a made new businessmen which mean that they are having a share in the property market when they are being compensate with shophouses.
For those of the get rich quick, they would prefer the cash rather than the shophouse, thus are instant millionaires.  And my mak house would soon be there too, and brokers are on the prowl already with their usual gimmick luring my dad and mak to give in to the trick of handing over the house just for minimal cash.
Well gone are the days when our eyes are easily blind by that bundle of easy cash by this brokers, so stay out la tokey, ini tanah belum kasi jual lagi lah.
And here it rain again, the best part I like most is again that line from Ombak Rindu (haha I said I don’t prefer this movie but Hafiz really caused a wave in my heart)…dear rain please take away my tear to mend the broken heart.
And, dear diary I miss my kampong so much, I miss the time when neighbours are anytime of for salt and pepper, those were really the days, so rain please take away my blues.

My Sarikei Pineapple

dear diary, I must admits it here that at last I watched that movie Ombak Rindu which some said to be a tear jerker, but I did almost break into once only. Almost, when that Izzah performed her solat next to his hubby when the latter was lying in the hospital bed.
You know why I almost break down, because that’s all what a man need beside a woman he love. Her prayer and her tear to keep him on the go. But does it worth Izzah sacrification towards Harris love, beside an expensive watch, she only get one small Viva. At the least with Harris’ status, a posh car on the equivalent.
Well that was the movie Ombak Rindu, in all it was just like Ibu Mertuaku and I hate the background music with that song by Hafiz, I was wondering why we are still lacking in this industry or we are just focusing on one subject only.
And let’s talk about my Sarikei which everyone said to be the pineapple of the state, but I prefer Sarikei to be known as the pepper town and that was when Chef Wan made a stopover here sometime ago and he mentioned aside Erra Fazira, pepper could spice up his life which Sarikei is so much so aromatic about.
Do you believe it? You should as you was not there with him but I was. And if you don’t, come a stop over here for an R & R at our Sebangkoi , a hilly resort with it green surrounding about 25 kilometers from Sarikei.
While here, you can opts to stay for the night at the resort, there hot meals and bed available. It’s a resort, built by the hill slope overlooking one of the most dangerous slope in the nation with a record kills at every Ops Sikap.
And at this resort also, you will noticed all the furniture are not the type you may expected of the one like at those popular resort but just the more or less looks like in an association building or the type the old folk home or the one they use for the mahjong session.
And here we don’t serves meal and breakfast at bed to our hotel guest, but we have many coffeshop around and we have fast food too, short of McDonald and the Singapore Chicken Rice and also Secret Receipe and also Marry Brown and also Hartz, such a long list.
But here in Sarikei, you can park your car without worry of parking ticket. But that won’t last long as soon we here will proudly have our own parking system as our other town in Sibu, Bintulu, Miri and Kuching.
Hopefully the parking ticket would be the same as of those mentioned places, or otherwise we wouldn’t be surprise to see our parking attendant issuing the tear apart ticket just like when you watch those Hindi movies in the olden days.
You know it lah pok, Sarikei is full of surprise. We have waterfront here with a lane which I assume is for an evening stroll or jogs in the early morning breeze. But alas they design it in a way it just could accommodate one jogger at a time only. And here they have stalls on the water front park and at some time our boys in blue would come to issue compound due to illegal trading. So who let it be built on the green park?
So that is Sarikei, just like Ombak Rindu, there are still something missing here, but enough to make our ladies sobbing their heart out, but I just watched it from an illegal disc which I bought for only RM9.00. At that point, when I tried to bargain the price, the towkay said no haggling. So I thought of knife pointing him, and just come stop laughing later on.
You know why, I wonder in our law if there is a prima facie on my case robbing a man selling illegal disc, maybe I am dumb or stupid and from my englisch (spelt it that way haha) so just don’t bother it as I am not preaching nor I do want to inspire you but just on my own free way of writing, I love it and so, dear diary..

Ombak Rindu

dear diary,  many have spoke about this movie, Ombak Rindu and amongst those many I am the last to view it.  Since many have viewed it, we should not talk about it but let talk about my friend which I prefer to be named as Aaron Azziz (the double  “zz” to differentiate from the real Aaron Azizi).
Recently Aaron Azziz confessed to me that he has commits a crime, feeling alarmed on his confession I pressed further to get him pack up his story.  Duty bound to help him, what more he’s a long time friend it’s time to show what a friend in need actually means.
I sprung into action immediately to help Aaron Azziz with the thought of having to introduce him the best criminal lawyers in town, most are based in Sibu town. But my instinct was proven wrong when this friend of mine further confessed that it was a crime of passion.  A happily married man having a career wife and four grown up children and college bound, as my first assumption on his case is wrong and what he actually needs is a syarie lawyer, probably.
Yes, and I am further right. The actual problem with this friend is actually the empty nest syndrome. He falls in love when at the time he has nothing to do at home at the time when all the kids are doing their major in the local universities and colleges.  Whereas his wife is busy with her own schedule at office and friends around and including her favorite noon time tv hours.
The problem with his new found love is his son is falling in love with a girl in the same faculty and from the same housing estate, but the real problem is the girl’s mother is my friend secret lover. So they are neighbour and fall in love during their routine round to work places.  How do I solve this case?  I can’t because this is a matter of the heart, only his heart can solve it.
Out of respect on him, politely I try to avoid a crisis with him in this issue and just to show that I have step my feet in his pool I raised up the question to him of whether this is a problem of infatuation only. And his response is, have you fall in love before? And of course my straight answer is, out of the many women, why do a married woman is chosen amongst the few.  His answer is, love is blind and I don’t choose to fall in love.
Thus I remember again about this most talked about movie in town, Ombak Rindu.  But what worth mersmerizing is a few lines from M Naser and Datuk Siti Nurhaliza in their theme song from the movie Puteri Gunung Ledang, that’s love happened unexpectedly just like magic and it do blossom anytime just like the morning flower whereas it come just like the morning breeze when the sun started to rise.
Remaining defiant on his fate, my friend believed his new found love is true and putting his pledge and loyalty’s oath upon his wife on the rock.  And he is now in a dilemma on how to bless his son relationship when he himself had a passion for his son future mother in law.
So to all women out there not all ladies are suffering with regards of Ombak Rindu, but men do also. And as my friend believe in his fate, I remember again the chorus of those lines by M. Naser and Datuk Siti Nurhaliza when they serenade ; if that are the facts, I will wait with my soul for you till the end, and if you are mean for me, you will be mine also at no matter what.
And here dear diary gives a tribute to M Naser and Datuk Siti Nurhaliza for that beautiful song by the name of Bagaikan Sakti and you may tune to it through your YouTube browser at just the click of the song name, and dear diary..
So what happens to my friend, as I have said, he will remain true to his standing.  As they both believed in their heart affair and stay true in the dark with it, I knew it because he’s a long time friend of mine.

back to school

dear diary,  come this Wednesday parents are bound to be facing another headache again.  A headache that come along side on the opening of the first day in school.
The first thing in mind is how to adjust the working hours again after a month break and for those with new registration in the pre schooling it is just another headache again. And for me the trouble will start with Danish.
Its school time for Danish now, real time with real uniform the colour of blue and black and white shoe, of course it Bata.  Danish will be the real headache with the starting of the first hours of his school day when it’s time to wake him and straight to his bath.
His usual routine is the Cartoon Networks (CN) over the Astro channel with his breakfast on his feeding bottle.  (According to Dumex-Dugro (fruit and veg), the milk is now well formularized with the combination of fruit and vegetable especially for the Malaysian baby).
Well then, he’s at school from 0700 and that mean to start from home at 0645, and thank goodness the jam here is not the like of what we read about as in Sibu and then I have to pick him again at 1200 which mean I have to be out of the my office earlier than the usual clock-out at 1300.
Our jam here is not that attitude oriented but due to the short thinking of our past town planner, the road and bridge was designed for a never growing district like Sarikei which that stupid planner had wrongly planned and I assume he has fail his Darjah Enam and wonder how he obtained his knowledge in town planning (haha).
Mine is just a minor case, but to those parents out there, the suffering began end of last December with the buying of new school uniform, school bag, new shoes, school bus and the daily allowances.  To those with many kids in school I really do sympathise with them.
And luckily we have the RM100 assistance and the last year bonus paid out and honestly, I said it just a mere amount comparing to the soaring prices of those necessities in the town now, try to bill out a RM100 note at a store and see how much we could get from it.
Hopefully when we start the school this term, we are expecting not much news from the school management in view of the so many cut by the government during the last budget.  But as I see it the PTA had asked for a RM20 fees into their coffer.
And even when the PTA meeting has not yet started, the suppose meeting the preschool teachers on this 3rd January is much to worried about. I hope not much is to be expected about handing cash to the school as of now my wallet is slimming down with so much to be considered about.
And dear diary, I am just thinking about my own plights here and at some points, I may be wondering what the other parents may be doing to make end meet here and I hope that I am well prepared here for the year 2012, so life goes on..

my many postings from my FB

Dear diary, how many of us know that plastic is as much worthy as metal as long as urban poor is concern.  That plastic is not the type of that disposable mineral water bottle, but it’s something that can pull out money out of that machine fixed on that brick wall we all know as the ATM.  And nor does it is a credit card also, but it’s just the ordinary bank card where your monthly hard earned money are drawn.
Because for a low income group living in the city or just a town like Sarikei and with a bring back salary of  like the average of RM700, all banks shall deem closed their door but it not the end of the day, as those illegal money lenders are around to help.
Just a bank card as a guarantee, a loan ranging from RM500 to RM3,000 could be approved without much hassle and a monthly repayment  of RM200 or RM300 on a span of 36 months to 60 months.  The interests are of course exorbitant, but where else can you go?
To describe on the look of your life saver, as was written by Spencer F Chapman in his book “The Jungle Is Neutral”, to add more conspiracies in the air, they wore dark glasses and that’s how they look also with dyed hair and talk vulgar words explaining on the case of your failure in monthly repayments.
 Well, let talk about the interest charges, and before I go further please mind my englisch (English haha spelt it that way).  For a RM2,000 loan, a monthly repayment for 36 months is RM250 and hopefully that loan is NPL and you might get a few friends knocking at your door.  Though that had not yet come to the splashing of red paint as in the states of Semenanjung, so far our money lenders here are bit of self respect.  And where else can we go to when all sources are closed.
And yesterday I happened to watch a tv programme on our late second Prime Minister, Tun Abdul Razak.  And its touched on the NEP, a policy many argued is too drastic in his career and the one that hopefully could propelled the Malays to achieve economic freedom and which the non Malays (and non- Bumiputras) seen could sideline them in the coming up of Malaysia.
Well here we are today, I have seen many friends get entangled in this plastic issue.  Sad indeed but its the fact of life and where else could they go when even own relatives are unable to offer any help.  They did, but till when they will afford to help when sometime relatives may need help also.
And shall I go for the Malays for help, and how many are the Malays have that much money to spend on this kind of aids whereas when we go to the Chinese, they are willingly to provide assistance to us, but with a returning favor in the form of interest charges.
And also I was told once that to erase poverty, one should be a high achiever in his academic, but sadly too I have seen those with good academic backgrounds are amongst some of my friends getting entangled in this poverty curse.
Cynically, a friend of mine once told me, of all the bank nor other bank named as the Bank Bergerak (moving bank) where he can drawn and deposit money at any time and at any time he likes without going through the queue!
And so dear diary, when I wrote this, I doing this just on my own thoughts of free writing and as usual please do bear with me, and here goes again. dear diary and of course Happy New Year..

Thursday, 15 March 2012

dear diary..yesterday I was issued with a termination notice, the irony was it was just a month after Valentine day.

And today I get a spanking from a close friend, then there was the irony too, I was spanked by the one who would not hesitate to kiss my hand when we do the salam. And today she turned her back on me.

If not for my perseverance, I would have spanks her back. But I knew it useles...s to treats her in such a manner because I understand we are on a Ferris wheel. Today I am low because I am just feeling down and thus I just let her play rogue to imbalance her emotion, as she always said post menstrual blues!.

And today I understand that roses are good during Valentine only. A punnet of strawberries would not lasts long too, even if sugar is added in. And like the strawberries, a bouquet of roses may wither but the thorn will remain.

You may have driven me on my knees believing that everything will last forever based on the pledges and the promises. But at the end she spit on the hand that she used to grasp and kiss when she perform the salam.

And as much as I try to preserve my perseverance, I believe that day will come , when you will feel like how I feels being played amongst the liars in which you are one of them…dear diary

Wednesday, 14 March 2012

dear diary, I bid farewell to Haliza Misbun today after a many failures in soul searching with her since so many years been with her.

Then a friend passed me a saying which coincides with my feeling today, it says.. HEART feels what eyes cannot see and knows what mind cannot understand but try to think..the answer may come from the inner HEART.

Thus I said to her, though the verdict is, but I am still here waiting, and no matter what because I am what Farid Kamil have been used to be and will always be.

And to another friend, she said when two hearts fails to beat as one, one soul can never be a piece again.

I agreed with that, but I will never stop trying because when instinct matters, we cannot deny our heart, the inner heart.

I cried today, and never been in my life I am crying like this..dear diary